Talking to your child about dyslexia, and protecting their confidence

To explain dyslexia to a child, tell them three things in words they already use. Reading and spelling are harder for their brain to learn, that has nothing to do with how clever they are, and there is a way of teaching that helps. Use the word dyslexia, keep the first talk short, and expect to come back to it many times as your child grows.

Many children know something is different well before an adult names it. Left without an explanation, a child tends to write their own, and it is often “I’m not smart”. A plain, true one is kinder.

What does a child need to hear about dyslexia?

A child needs four facts about dyslexia: the three above, plus the fact that they are not the only one. Each is true at any age.

1. It has a name, and it is about reading and spelling. Healthdirect, the national health information service, describes dyslexia as a brain based condition that makes reading hard.
2. It is not about being smart. Healthdirect is direct on this: dyslexia is not due to low intelligence.
3. They are not the only one. About 1 in 10 people have dyslexia, and it often runs in families, so a parent or grandparent may have the same story (see what causes dyslexia).
4. It can be taught. Dyslexia is lifelong, but reading and spelling improve with explicit, step by step teaching. The page on dyslexia treatment sets out what that teaching is.

Leave out anything you cannot stand behind. “You’ll grow out of it” is not true, and “you just need to try harder” tells a child who is already working hard that the effort does not count.

What words can I use to explain dyslexia at each age?

The facts stay the same at every age. What changes is how much detail a child can use, and how much say they want in what happens next.

Around 5 to 7: short, concrete and about the brain

A young child needs two or three sentences, said in passing, more than a sit down talk.

“You know how reading feels tricky? That’s because your brain learns letters and sounds in its own way. It’s called dyslexia. It’s nothing to do with being clever, and you are clever. It means you need reading taught bit by bit, and we’re going to make sure you get that.”

Then stop, and answer whatever they ask.

Around 8 to 11: honest about the effort, clear about the plan

By the middle of primary school a child compares themselves with friends, so say what they have already noticed.

“You work harder at reading and spelling than most kids in your class, and it still takes you longer. That’s dyslexia. Lots of people have it, about one in every ten. It won’t go away, but reading and spelling get better when they’re taught in the right order with plenty of practice. So that’s what we’re organising.”

Let your child decide which friends are told, and give them one line to use: “I’ve got dyslexia, so reading takes me longer.”

12 and over: the full picture, and a say in it

A teenager can take the adult explanation and should be asked for their view.

“Dyslexia is a difference in how your brain handles written words. It’s common, it often runs in families, and it has nothing to do with intelligence. It’s not going anywhere, so the question is what makes school work for you: teaching for the reading and spelling, and tools so they don’t hold back everything else. What’s getting in your way most?”

The page on dyslexia in teenagers covers what changes in high school.

What if my child has no diagnosis yet?

You do not need a diagnosis to talk about a reading difficulty. A formal diagnosis of dyslexia is usually made by a psychologist, and many families are still waiting on one. Until then, describe what you can both see, and do not state as fact what nobody has assessed. For what to do first, with or without a diagnosis, see where to start with dyslexia support.

“Reading is taking you longer to learn than it should, and that’s not your fault. We’re finding out why. It might be something called dyslexia, which lots of people have.”

What should I say to my child after a hard day at school?

After a hard day, listen first and fix nothing. A child who has just said “I’m dumb” is not asking for a debate about whether that is true. They want to know you understood how the day felt.

What your child says	What it often means	Words you could use
“I’m dumb.”	Something public went wrong today	“That sounds like a horrible day. Tell me what happened.”
“Everyone else can do it.”	They compared themselves and came off worse	“Reading comes easier to them. You’re doing something harder than they are, every day.”
“I hate reading.”	They are worn out	“Fair enough, it’s hard work for you. Let’s leave it for tonight.”
“I’m not going back to school.”	One part of the day feels unbearable	“Which part was the worst? We can talk to your teacher about that part.”

Two habits help on these days. Name the feeling before the facts. And keep the day separate from the child: a bad spelling test is a bad test, not a verdict. Save the explanation of dyslexia for a calm moment.

If the same part of the day keeps going wrong, such as reading aloud in class, raise it with the school. The guide to dyslexia at school covers the adjustments you can ask for.

Is dyslexia a gift, and does it come with special strengths?

Dyslexia has not been shown to make a child more creative, and creativity is the gift most often claimed for it. A meta-analysis of 20 studies, published in the Journal of Learning Disabilities, compared 770 people with dyslexia against 1,671 without and found no overall difference in creativity between the two groups. Some studies of adults showed an advantage; studies of children did not.

Your child does have strengths. They belong to your child, not to the dyslexia. A child who is told that dyslexia makes people brilliant artists or inventors, and who does not feel like either, can end up feeling they have failed at dyslexia as well as at reading.

So be exact. Skip “dyslexia is your superpower” and say what you have seen: “You explained that whole game to your cousin without missing a step.” Then protect the time your child spends on what they are good at. Those hours are not a reward to take away when reading practice runs late.

What protects a child’s confidence over time?

Friendships, feeling connected to school, and parents who understand dyslexia are what seem to protect a child’s confidence. Those come from a 2023 scoping review of 98 studies, which also found that children with dyslexia are at higher risk of anxiety and low mood than their classmates.

In daily life that looks like:

• time with friends and in activities where reading is not the measure
• a teacher who knows about the dyslexia and what helps
• ways around reading so it does not block other learning (see assistive technology)
• practice at home that is short and ends on something your child can do (see helping at home)

When does a child’s worry need a GP or a psychologist?

See your GP when worry or low mood is getting in the way of your child’s life, or when you are concerned. Healthdirect notes that children with dyslexia have more chance of developing low self-esteem, and that low self-esteem lasting a long time makes anxiety and depression more likely.

Signs to take to a GP, drawn from Healthdirect’s guidance on anxiety in children:

• trouble sleeping, or headaches and stomach aches
• avoiding school, reading or anything linked to it
• becoming clingier, or needing a lot of reassurance
• big emotions or outbursts
• a loss of appetite

A GP can refer your child to a psychologist. A school psychologist is another place to start.

This is where Dr Lauren’s part ends. Dr Lauren Crumlish is a speech pathologist: she teaches reading, spelling and the spoken language underneath them. She does not assess or treat anxiety or depression. A child who needs both kinds of help should have both.

Which support lines can a child or parent call?

Four national support lines take calls from anywhere in Australia.

• Kids Helpline, 1800 55 1800. Free phone and webchat counselling for ages 5 to 25, any time of the day or night.
• Lifeline, 13 11 14. Crisis support, 24 hours a day.
• Medicare Mental Health, 1800 595 212. Advice and referral to mental health services.
• Triple zero (000) if anyone is in immediate danger.

Sources

• Healthdirect, Dyslexia (reviewed December 2024).
• Healthdirect, Anxiety in children (reviewed September 2024).
• Wilmot A, Hasking P, Leitão S, Hill E, Boyes M. Understanding mental health in developmental dyslexia: a scoping review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 2023.
• Erbeli F, Peng P, Rice M. No evidence of creative benefit accompanying dyslexia: a meta-analysis. Journal of Learning Disabilities, 2022.
• Kids Helpline and Lifeline.